does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it's like iHOP with fire
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize