I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
