The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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