Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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