i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
