Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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