i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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