i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize