I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
