I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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