I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Less talking, more tequila
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
