I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
