you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
