Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
