Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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