hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
