all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
