Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
