marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
