I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
