i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
