yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
