Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
