I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
