If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
