I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
