She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My balls are so social today.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
