listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize