i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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