Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
