oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
