True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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