Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
