By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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