I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
