I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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