Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
