When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
