I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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