I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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