i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
