woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
