I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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