Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
