I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Mom said you looked used
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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