At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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