I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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