I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize