woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
