Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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