i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
