they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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