I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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