soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
