so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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