When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
