so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
