Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
