So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
