Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
did i just pee glitter
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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