Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
