a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
