I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
