Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
