what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
