Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
